The Case for Flowers

A 2022 viral TikTok video highlighted a fact we live with every day, but rarely take the time to unpack:  most men don't receive flowers for the first time until their funeral.

When you put it like that–it really hits home. 

Admittedly, I was a bit taken aback when I first heard this. Why don't men get flowers? The "easy" answer was that western society's hyper-masculinity and homophobia have derided anything that could potentially be seen as effeminate and *flowers* were yet another casualty in man's endless quest for "real" manhood. Laid to rest in-between daily hygiene and routine doctor's visits, societal standards effectively categorized flowers as anti-masculine and off limits. 

And yet, things don't have to be this way. 

However, before we can consider a society without these sorts of arbitrary restrictions placed on men, we must wrestle with one question: Are men allowed to appreciate beauty?

In a world hyperfocused on the economical, the pragmatic, and the obsessive desire for more–what room is there for beauty? In a society that tells us we should all be working as much as we can from 6 AM to 6 PM, while also developing our side-hustle, while also securing 8 streams of passive income–what time is left for beauty? And while societal norms have allotted men some "acceptable" means of pleasure outside of work like sports, exercise, and handiwork–is there more?

On a planet with natural wonders that exceed the scope of our imagination, how disheartening it would be to limit ourselves to society's whimsical standards as to what men can appreciate. The only thing more heartbreaking would be for us to ignore the beauty we encounter right in front of our eyes on a daily basis.

Every night, thousands of stars light up the night sky revealing the distant glow of light years past. Every morning, red-orange hues signal a new day as the sun creeps over the horizon shining bright in its glory. No less important, flowers serve as our most proximate encounter with natural beauty, and are to be appreciated all the same.

Much has been written about the purpose and importance of flowers in our natural ecosystem. I'd be doing all of us a disservice if I tried to explain any further. My intentions behind this thought are to convey one simple point: Men should be allowed to appreciate the beauty in flowers just as much as anyone else. Not only that, but men should appreciate the beauty in flowers as a regularly accepted practice. 

When I was introduced to the fact that most men receive their first flowers on their funeral day, I couldn't help but share the profound revelation with a group of friends. A week later, I was surprised with an assortment of flowers for the first time in my life (see above). For a brief moment, I didn't know how to respond. This was...new. But, shortly thereafter, I was filled with gratitude at the thoughtfulness! Surprise, surprise, it actually felt good to receive flowers–even as a man.

It turns out that I'm not alone in this takeaway. Research from the University of Rutgers Department of Psychology found that men and women presented essentially the same levels of positive effect after being gifted flowers, compared with other gifts and stimuli. Meanwhile, other studies present that more than 60% of men would appreciate flowers as a gift.

While we all appreciate a thoughtful gesture, far too often we forget to treat ourselves to kindness. All I ask is that men grow to understand that there is nothing wrong with appreciating all of the beauty this world has to offer. Life is far too short and it will gladly pass you by, if you let it. We all have a one way ticket out of here and before you go, don't forget to stop and smell the roses.